On yer bike

If you believe what you read in the paper, then you'll know that environmentally speaking, our world is in pretty bad shape. And it seems that there's nothing to slow us down on this path. Everyone seems to be looking for that one big solution - the answer that will solve our problem and allow us to keep living our selfish thoughtless self-gratifying lives.

Here's my stone to solve 2 great epidemics plaguing modern-day Australian (and more generally, Western) society. We seem to have an 2 energy crises in our country. Firstly we are going through non-renewable energy sources at an alarming rate, that most likely will not be sustained. Secondly, we are a growing nation - not just in population, but also in girth. All this "stored energy" (fat) which is beginning to envelope more and more individuals, including many children, is becoming a health risk for many in our community.
My suggestion? Put everyone on exercise bikes that are hooked up to generators. This way we will not be using the precious stores of fossil fuels that are rapidly being depleted, but rather using the abundance of energy carried around by large minority of the population. It means that energy production will not have harmful byproducts like carbon dioxide or the toxic carbon monoxide, but rather harmless (if not more pungent) byproducts like body odour. It also means that these individuals would be getting much needed exercise and alleviating them from a plethora of medical conditions, easing the burden on the medical system.

While we're at it, let's make good use of the methane being generated by our landfills. Surely if we could harness the gas as our waste material breaks down, we could once again capitalise on the wasted energy potentially at our disposal. And methane would be a much better alternative from a chemical point of view. Because it has a carbon chain of 1, methane is the most efficient burning fuel, ensuring a more complete combustion which means byproducts consisting almost entirely of carbon dioxide and water.